A post about bullies on the MM fora made me think a lot.
From age 5 to 17, I have been bullied and harassed both physically and psychologically almost every day. I was quite the awkward, timid girl who was also very sensitive and didn’t make friends very easily. I was the perfect victim. I’ve heard every single insult under the sun. I’ve had big rocks thrown at me. I’ve been pushed in the hallways.
Often enough, you’ll hear people say, “stand up for yourself!”. Believe me, I’ve tried. When I responded to bullies, all that ever happened was the bullying getting worse. Be careful what you do, because it can be used against you, or so they say. I even got into trouble for defending myself and it was reported back as me starting it off. From that moment, I got very jaded. How could you not be? The bullies got away with so much and there was nothing I could do.
By the end of high school, it faded a little, but not completely gone. It obviously left some scars. I’ve had self-esteem issues for most of my life because of all of this. I had trouble trusting people because I was convinced they’d reject me or make fun of me down the road. It was only a few years ago that I started being more confident.
Modeling is one of the things that helped. But before that, I had to deal with my own demons. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and general anxiety disorder back in 2007. I’m still dealing with it, but it isn’t as serious as it used to be. One of the things that helped was a loving husband-to-be who always had my back no matter what.
I’ve come a long way.